Short Jokes Mixture
To all my friends who in 2009 sent me best wishes, chain letters, angel letters or other best wishes, none of that stuff worked! For 2010, could you please just send money, beer, chocolate, movie tickets, and gasoline vouchers as an alternative? Thank you!
Two men were walking down the street when a robber approaches them and demands their money at knifepoint. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one man turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here's the 20 I owe you," he says.
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room watching a movie about a guy, who lost consciousness and went into a coma. He says to her "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug." His wife gets up immediately and unplugs the TV.
When woman was six months pregnant with her third child, her three year-old son came into the room as she was preparing to get into the shower. He said, "Mum, you are getting fat!" Mother replied, "Yes, sugar, remember mum has a baby growing in her belly." "I know," he replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"
Richard was dying. His spouse sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess". "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she responded, "now just relax and let the poison work".
A lady was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. A gentleman got in and elbowed her in the breast by accident. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the lady replies, "If you d--k is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 117.
A husband and wife are walking home from the pub when the wife decides she needs to pee and goes behind a bush. The husband feeling horny reaches thru and goes to have a feel. Instead of what he expects he touches something long and hard. Extremely surprised he asks: "Susan, did you have a sex change?" The wife replies: "No William, I changed my mind, I was having a sh1t!