Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Mixture of Funny Short Stories

Johnny and his Dad
An old man lived alone in Milford. He intended to dig his potato garden, but it was very difficult work. His only son, Johnny, who used to help him, was in jail. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his difficulty.

Dear Johnny, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden area. If you were here, all my problems would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, 'For Heaven's SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!' Love, Johnny.

At 6am, the next morning, a dozen security agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire plot without finding any guns. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Johnny.

Nobel Prize
Ken is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Williams standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Ken, curious to find out what's happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, 'Excuse me Farmer Williams, could you tell me what you are you doing?'

'I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize, 'the farmer replies.

'A Nobel Prize?' asks Ken, puzzled. 'How?'

'Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.'

Grandmother in the Ark?
My brother's eldest boy liked nothing better than to sit on his Grandmother's knee and have stories read to him. One day after a story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of animals to the safety of the ark.

The little boy asked, 'Grandma, you are very old, were you in Noah's ark?' Gosh no' , said Grandma.'

In that case, how come you didn't drown when the flood came?'

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Jesus Saves

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the advanced programmer and decide to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type energetically, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. But right before the end of the struggle, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the power. Seconds later, the power is restored, and God states that the competition is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is obviously upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the electricity went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus progressed any better."

Jesus enters a last line of code, and the screen comes to life in colorful display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is shocked.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ software is undamaged. How did he do it?"

God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."