Short Funny Jokes
Telephone answering machine message: "Hi. I'm probably here, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
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The head teacher was taking her class round an art gallery. She stopped in front of one exhibit, and sneered at the guide, "I suppose that is some kind of modern art?" "No, madam," replied the guide.
"I'm afraid it's a mirror."
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Funny fact: A party boat filled with 60 men and women capsized in Texas after all the passengers rushed to one side as the boat passed a nude beach.
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Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
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A boy called the doctor..
"Doctor, doctor come quick, my younger brother has just swallowed my pen."
"I'll be right over - what are you doing in the meantime?"
"I'm using a pencil..."
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Summer.
Summer who?
Summer good, some are bad.
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An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife to buy a life insurance policy. "Just imagine if your husband was to die tomorrow," he said. "What would you get?"
"Oh, a Labrador dog, I think," replied the housewife. "They're so well-behaved.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: No one cries when you slice up a lawyer.
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John: Have you ever seen one of those machines that can tell when someone is telling a lie?
Brian: Seen one? I married one!