Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dating and Relationships Jokes

Dating and Relationships JokesNight of passion

Shortly after a long night of passion, the young male rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Obviously, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired anxiously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the confused guy.

Peacefully, she replied, "That's me before the operation".


Future Mother Inlaw

John excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. John says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over two other female friends in addition to my fiancée, and you have to try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The next day, John brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing! You're right, how did you know?"
His mother folds her arms across her chest and says, "I don't like her."


Be Sure to Carry Your Lantern

Pappy sees John walking with a lantern and asks, "Where are you going boy?"
The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."
The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!"


She must weep or she will die

Emma was on her deathbed, with her husband John at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved.
"John," she said.
"Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.
"John," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must
"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping John. "It's all right. Everything's all right."
"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, John, that I have been unfaithful to you."
John stroked her hand. "Now, Emma, don't be worried. I know all about it", he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"