Sunday, October 21, 2007

Funny Stories about Car Drivers and Driving

Funny Stories about Car Drivers and DrivingI want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and very fast.

A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said,
- What will you take: 30 days or $30?
The man thought and replied,
- I think I'll take the money.

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said
she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench.
- "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court", he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through
a red light' five hundred times."

A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence.
- Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.
- Well, replies the woman, "I have contacts."
- Lady, I don't care who you know, your still going to get a ticket.

- What do you do if you see a spaceman?
- Park your car in it man.

- But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?
- I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.

- But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for an appointment with my lawyer.
- Well, now you've got something else to tell him.

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving
that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
- "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
- "Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
- "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
- "No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
- "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when
he's been drinking."

A blonde is driving down the freeway in her car when her boyfriend calls on the cell phone. When she picks up the phone he says,
- Hi honey, it's me, I just wanted to call and tell you to be careful, it says on the news that there is a car driving the wrong way on the freeway.
She says,
- There's not one, there's hundreds of them!

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said,
- I did that by accident.
She replied,
- I know that, daddy.
He replied,
- How'd you know?
The girl said,
- Because you didn't say 'A$$HOLE!' afterwards!