Everybody Dies In The End

New research has discovered that people who undertake fitness routines and strict diets are at least as likely to die as persons who smoke, are obese, or both. The research team had concluded that it doesn't matter what you do, you are going to die.

False claims that poor people who are fat and who smoke are more likely to die than wealthy people who are generally slimmer and who eat properly is just a healthy lifestyle propaganda. It was concluded that every person who were born 150 years ago or earlier, no matter wealthy or poor they were, without exception had died. They are now dead and it is not a reflection on their lifestyle.

In spite of all the advances in technology and medical care, we are still unable to prohibit wealthy people from becoming deceased at one point or another in their lives. This research has cast doubt on popular claims that modern world is experiencing an obesity crisis, and already smoking seems to be on the increase as people take a more relaxed approach to life, or death. One of ex-smokers even say: "I gave up smoking 15 years ago and now it turns out that I'm going to die anyway. It's all bullshit."

Hell's Hole

Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die.

Upon Jeff's arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter.

"Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked.

St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven."

Jeff was disappointed in this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?"

So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a sexy blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of beer.

"I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff.

"It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it... and the blonde doesn't."

Witty Replies

Did you hear the story about the giraffe?
Forget it its too long.

What animal has 2 legs 2 eyes 2wind can't fly has a peek ?
It's a died bird

What do you call a man who lives in an envelope?
Bill.

Waiter how long will the chips be?
About five centimeters each, I expect sir.

Wanna know why divorces are so expensive?
Because they're worth it.

What did the cow say to the other cow?
Nothing because they cant talk.

What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
He is all right now.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids leave home.

Whats long, hard, and full of seman?
A submarine.

What's the difference between a good joke and this?
Everything.

Old Man Sample

An 80 year old man was requested by his physician for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the old man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 80 year old man come back and gave doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as yesterday.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man stated "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The physician was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Age Difference

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a gorgeous much younger girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girl. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $7,000 ring.

The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $35,000 the jeweller said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body twinkled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweller furiously phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my great weekend!'