A Mixture of Funny Short Stories
Johnny and his Dad
An old man lived alone in Milford. He intended to dig his potato garden, but it was very difficult work. His only son, Johnny, who used to help him, was in jail. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his difficulty.
Dear Johnny, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden area. If you were here, all my problems would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, 'For Heaven's SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!' Love, Johnny.
At 6am, the next morning, a dozen security agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire plot without finding any guns. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Johnny.
Nobel Prize
Ken is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Williams standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Ken, curious to find out what's happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, 'Excuse me Farmer Williams, could you tell me what you are you doing?'
'I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize, 'the farmer replies.
'A Nobel Prize?' asks Ken, puzzled. 'How?'
'Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.'
Grandmother in the Ark?
My brother's eldest boy liked nothing better than to sit on his Grandmother's knee and have stories read to him. One day after a story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of animals to the safety of the ark.
The little boy asked, 'Grandma, you are very old, were you in Noah's ark?' Gosh no' , said Grandma.'
In that case, how come you didn't drown when the flood came?'
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the advanced programmer and decide to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type energetically, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. But right before the end of the struggle, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the power. Seconds later, the power is restored, and God states that the competition is over.
Most men like women. But, most men like beer too ! So, for men it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer! Next findings are just to help you analyze which is better ! Women, please, kindly take it in the right sense.
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished clients. "I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's jaws and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his jaws for one minute. He will then open his jaws and I will remove my unit unhurt. In return for watching this show, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. 
Grandma Is Better