Poker Is Not A Popular Game Among Cameleons

Easy Marketing for Beggars

If you ever will become a beggar (God forbid!) you need to know how to get more money from people. First, people tend to react much better to funny begging than to "awful" one. Write you begging very clearly to be understandable by everyone. If you are going to be sad people will ignore you. Try to be funny and some people will reward you for your smile. This rule is actual even if you are not a beggar :).

Below are some examples of successful beggars:

Jokes About Wives

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!

Wife stands infront of her mirror and said to her husband: "I am fat, old and no longer pretty. I am wrinkled and my breasts hang... Give me a compliment" when he replied: "Your eyesight is still excellent though!"

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Once you’ve married, be strict but just with your wife, don’t allow her to forget herself, and when a misunderstanding arises, say: "Don’t forget that I made you happy."

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes.

A wife was helping her husband to set-up his Computer. The husband was in a cheeky mood so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it obvious to his wife that he was typing in the word "penis" as password. His wife fell over from laughter when the computer replied: "Password rejected - not long enough".

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

Husbands For Sale

A store that sells husbands, where a woman may go to choose a husband, has just opened. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Lightbulb

Working on the mental ward can become a little hectic - but this doctor knows how to take everything as it comes. During his usual morning rounds he stopped by the two top patients that act the strangest.

He found Patient his first patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Next to him was his friend who was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor than asked why his friend was hanging upside down. The patient replied, "Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices that his friend’s face is going all red.

The doctor asks than asks the patient, "If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself."

To which he replies, "What? And work in the dark?"