Jokes About Wives

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!

Wife stands infront of her mirror and said to her husband: "I am fat, old and no longer pretty. I am wrinkled and my breasts hang... Give me a compliment" when he replied: "Your eyesight is still excellent though!"

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Once you’ve married, be strict but just with your wife, don’t allow her to forget herself, and when a misunderstanding arises, say: "Don’t forget that I made you happy."

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes.

A wife was helping her husband to set-up his Computer. The husband was in a cheeky mood so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it obvious to his wife that he was typing in the word "penis" as password. His wife fell over from laughter when the computer replied: "Password rejected - not long enough".

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive.