The Risks of Having an un-American Name

Reporters conducting street interviews on the candidates for CNN (These are not jokes).

Reporter: What do you think of Barrack Obama?

Middle-aged man: I think we should be trying harder to capture him. What are we doing in Iraq when Obama is still out there, still a threat to America?

Reporter: No, I mean Barrack Obama from Chicago. What do you think of him?

Middle-aged man: How did he get into the country? Don't tell me he came through Mexico! We really need to tighten our borders.

Reporter: What do you think of Barrack Hussein Obama?

30-something man: He got what was coming to him, that is all I can say. He committed crimes against humanity and got what he deserved. I do not feel sorry for him at all.

Reporter: May I ask whom you plan to vote for in 2008?

20-year-old man: I really like that guy, what is his name, Obrack Barama.

Reporter: What about you sir? Who gets your vote in 2008?

19-year-old man: Your mama.

Reporter: Pardon me?

19-year-old man: Broke Your Mama. That is whom I am voting for. Broke Your Mama.

Reporter: Oh I see. And what about you miss?

21-year-old woman: Me? I am voting for..uh..Baroque Alabama.

Funny Dogs and Cats Pictures

Old Hat - Miser's Final Wish

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

New Year Jokes and Funny Stories

Dreams, dreams...

Emily was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve. After she woke up, she confided to Joseph, her husband,

- 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

- 'You'll know tonight,' answered Joseph smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Joseph approached Emily and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled:

- 'The meaning of dreams'.

IT New Year Greetings

May the New Year give you –

- Independence of Java
- Power of Unix
- Popularity of Windows
- Efficiency of C
- Simplicity of HTML
- Style of Mac
- Compactness of JPG
- Speed of NFS
- Goodness of all Software that comes for free...

Funny New Year’s resolutions

"It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets." - William Thomas

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!" - Joey Adams

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." - James Agate

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." - Bill Vaughn

Attitude toward whisky

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

How to Quit Smoking

Brandon, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Justin, and asks for a cigarette.

'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Justin responds.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Brandon with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'

'Phase one?' wonders Justin.

'Yeah,' laughs Brandon, 'I've quit buying.'

Funny Domain Names

All of these are companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread...

- Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
www.whorepresents.com/

- Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com/

- Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net/

- Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com/

- There's the Italian Power Generator company,
www.powergenitalia.com/

- And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
www.molestationnursery.com/

- If you're looking for IP computer software, there?s always
www.ipanywhere.com/

- The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
www.cummingfirst.com/

- And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com/