New Year Jokes and Funny Stories
Dreams, dreams...
Emily was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve. After she woke up, she confided to Joseph, her husband,
- 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
- 'You'll know tonight,' answered Joseph smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Joseph approached Emily and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled:
- 'The meaning of dreams'.
IT New Year Greetings
May the New Year give you –
- Independence of Java
- Power of Unix
- Popularity of Windows
- Efficiency of C
- Simplicity of HTML
- Style of Mac
- Compactness of JPG
- Speed of NFS
- Goodness of all Software that comes for free...
Funny New Year’s resolutions
"It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets." - William Thomas
"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!" - Joey Adams
"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." - James Agate
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." - Bill Vaughn
Attitude toward whisky
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'
How to Quit Smoking
Brandon, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Justin, and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Justin responds.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Brandon with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'Phase one?' wonders Justin.
'Yeah,' laughs Brandon, 'I've quit buying.'