Witty Replies

Did you hear the story about the giraffe?
Forget it its too long.

What animal has 2 legs 2 eyes 2wind can't fly has a peek ?
It's a died bird

What do you call a man who lives in an envelope?
Bill.

Waiter how long will the chips be?
About five centimeters each, I expect sir.

Wanna know why divorces are so expensive?
Because they're worth it.

What did the cow say to the other cow?
Nothing because they cant talk.

What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
He is all right now.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids leave home.

Whats long, hard, and full of seman?
A submarine.

What's the difference between a good joke and this?
Everything.

Old Man Sample

An 80 year old man was requested by his physician for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the old man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 80 year old man come back and gave doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as yesterday.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man stated "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The physician was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."