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Zombie Jokes

Right now, when the Woody Harrelson's 'Zombieland' finds that tricky balance of the laugh-out-loud funny and the make-you-jump scary, it is right time to recollect some old zombie jokes!

- How do you know a zombie is tired?
- He's dead on his feet.

- What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?
- It's a dead-letter day.

- What's a zombie's favorite shampoo?
- Head and shoulders

- Where do zombies go for cruises?
- The Deaditerranean Sea.

- What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
- Dead ends...

- Two zombies and a Harman go into a bar. The first zombie says to the other zombie, "Graaaghaa haarann margahhaa naaarrrrrrgnn!"
- The other zombie says "Hrraaaaa Maggaa GRAMMA GRAMMA bargh nrrrrhr!"
- And then they eat the Harman.

- We all know what zombies like. They like braaaains. However, that's just in general. Zombies come from all walks of after-life.

- What do zombie laundresses worry about? Staaaaains.
- How do zombies get to work? Traaaaaains.
- What does the zombie doctor cure? Paaains.
- What do zombie poets write? Quatraaaains.
- And the zombie songwriter? Refraaains.

- What is a zombie's favorite movie? Shaaaaaaane.
Why are zombies always willing to be in movies? Faaaaame.

- What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaains.
- What do zombies order at Chinese restaurants? Chow Meeeeins.
- How do zombies practice birth control? Abstaaaain.
- What are these jokes? Inaaaaane.

- What is a zombie's favorite pet? Great Daaaaaanes.
- Why do zombies eat flesh? cuz they're insaaaaaane in the membraaaaaaane
- What state do zombies originate from? Maaaaiiiinne.
- What do zombie Teletubbies say? Agaaain, agaaain!

- What's a zombie's favorite weather? Raaaain.
- What kind of underwear and socks do zombies wear? Haaaanes.
- What did the zombie buy from the jewellery store? Gold chaaaains!
- What does a zombie do with leftover blood? Down the draaain.
- Where do zombies go for vacation? Spaaaain.

Funny Short Math Jokes

- Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

- Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
- She didn't know what ONE came first...

- Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is pi ?"
- The engineer said: "It is approximately 3 and 1/7"
- The physicist said: "It is 3.14159"
- The mathematician thought a bit, and replied "It is equal to pi".
- A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!"

- Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
- Pupil: 4
- Teacher: That's good.
- Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

- A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
- "Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.
- "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
- "You're under 18," replies the barman.


Football Math Test

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"